I've been searching my laptop for about an hour for something I wrote a few months back about Daddy, but, I guess the universe didn't want me to relive the whole thing again because I can't find it anywhere. I guess it's better this way. 

It's been 6 months but I still cry at the most random moments. My anxiety attacks on days leading up to the 22nd of every month has been getting the worst of me and to say that this has been the hardest year yet is an understatement--it's definitely the worst and I feel like a ton of trucks ran over me. I've been tired for months.

You don't want to see me like this. I'm sure of that. Happy 6th Month in heaven, Daddy. Coincidentally, it's also Thanksgiving. I may have chosen to live a life missing you every second but, I know everything good that's happening to me today is because you prayed fervently for it and for me. I'm thankful that we got to spend a lot of your good years together. I'm thankful that you didn't make it relatively hard for Mommy, under the circumstances. Thank you for considering everything before this happened.

A day before you left, I told someone that I'm scared. I'm scared because things were so good for me and I was so happy. I'm scared if this is the calm before the storm. And so it was. Ever since you left, I haven't gone or swam in any sea or body of water. Not until last month. I've hated the sea for a bit because it took you from us. It's been a constant that whenever we're in Antique, we'll swim in the sea just near the house and come home drenched in sea water and sand. But it took me days of being near it to decide that I'll finally swim again. It's been one of the hardest trips of my life. This year has been the hardest.

I miss you so much. I can't do anything but cry and write about it. If I could, I would visit you everyday and tell you personally how my day went but my life is far from where you are. I'm sorry :(

I have so many regrets, but you loved me despite all my shortcomings. I really miss you. See you in my dreams, please.

Love you, Daddy.

"Anxiety disorders differ from normal feelings of nervousness or anxiousness, and involve excessive fear or anxiety. - American Psychiatric Association"

Reunions are always best done over drinks and food. Always. BUT, it's waaay better when there's music involved... and that's exactly what happened during Warner Music Philippines Listening Party! 

I haven't seen the office and my former office mates for so long, that I actually felt a little anxious of being an outsider at first. But, every worry went out the window as soon as I stepped back in my former office. The place where I freelanced for a year and a half still feels like home.

Shiela and I got to Warner at past 7PM and saw that it was already full with people. As how I am usually when I go to parties, I just greeted a few people first and went directly to the food. Don't get me wrong, I love everyone there but, Warner is always (ALWAYS!!) where the good food is at. Trust me.

SUD played first and definitely killed their set. It's a short set, as there will be 6 of them playing that night, but they sounded so good and definitely opened the night on a good note. I've heard of them when I was still in college because they also go to the same school I went to, but only followed them (not in a stalker-ish way lol) when they got signed to Warner and I got to do a few promos with them. I felt like they're really a band worth following and listening to; and true enough, their single Sila is slaying the local charts! Seeing their gig schedule on my Facebook timeline also always makes me wonder 'when do these guys ever rest!?' because it seems like they're playing every night! It's crazy.

After the guys performed, Donna showed us a presentation on the latest news and the efforts that they're doing  for their International line up. It seriously looks a m a z i n g. Of course, Ed Sheeran is killing charts left and right so he's definitely on that list.

Moonstar 88 played next and although they've changed vocalists a few times already over the years, they still sound gloriously good. Moonstar 88's songs have always been a big part of the OPM industry. I still remember singing out their songs in high school (like my boy problems then could even compare LOL) and during karaoke sessions in timezone with my barkada. Their new song, Itulog Mo Na Yan is also sooooo catchy (to me at least), I feel like I'll play it whenever I'm stressed with work or annoyed with someone.

I was trying to fit talking to everyone in a span of minutes because I wanted to eat, drink AND talk to different people all at the same time. Felt like I was in a speed dating event, lol. But Shiela wanted to go up to the front so we could watch Quest perform. She is a big fan but, I only know one song and it is a very emotional song for me. His song, Walang Hanggan is featured in the independent movie that a professor at our school made--Ang Kwento Nating Dalawa. Quest made singing look effortless. I swear to all my cat's future kittens that if I get a voice like that, I'll donate all my earnings to a cat shelter, but sadly my voice is nothing compared to Quest's. So, I’m very sorry cat shelter.

A representative from Audiofly also picked out the winner for the raffle that night. I was still so hungry that when the host announced the name, all my senses didn't even budge and were on to the additional food that arrived (I DIDN'T EAT EVERYTHING, OK?). Ashley and I were already tailing the waiters, waiting for them to serve the food (again). The lucky girl won a Php5,000 worth of earphone and I swear to god I should've rigged that game because those earphones looks and sound super sweet but my hunger trumps everything. Plus, I didn't win anyway but congratulations to the winner!!

Jinno presented their domestic roster and priorities and it looks so booming. He introduced how they discovered Leanne and Naara, Ben&Ben and what their artist roster will be releasing soon and who’s recording their latest singles.

I’ve only heard about Ben&Ben from my bestfriend. She’s been raving about them for awhile now, and when they went to the front to set up their instruments, I was blown away by the fact that they’re twins. Twins with really good voices. Twins who can play and write really good songs. I really enjoyed listening to them play while I was devouring a piece chicken and a slice of pizza while trying to do an Instagram story on them—because, multitasking goddess yo. Lol. I seldom hear a band or artist with a sound that just makes me want to cozy up to my cats on a late Sunday night with their heartfelt lyrics and sound. I’m now a fan!

Next performer was a familiar person—Mark Carpio. Although I’m not really that close to him, I’m really proud to see him be this successful, musically. I remember when I used to hang out in the recording studio and he’ll also be there writing songs and recording verses. Now, his song is a hit and used in shows. Shiela suddenly realized that she can now put a face to the voice behind his song that she hears on Spotify.

Last to perform was Soapdish who performed Tensionado and Pwede Ba (with a twist!). When they started, it was like I was diverted right back to my high school days where we would just belt out random opm songs in our school service. I still know every word of Tensionado and the air suddenly felt nostalgic. When they played Pwede Ba, it seemed normal at first but then Jeff started mixing it up with lyrics from other OPM songs and it just went crazy and funny after that. I was reminded of why I love bands so much. They don't take themselves seriously and it makes for a really great atmosphere and bond with the people watching them.

The rest of the night was spent on the couch, catching up with even more people and former bosses, talking tattoos, drinking even more beers and basically, Jinno and my bestfriend teasing me the whole night about a thing I would rather not talk about, lol. 

I heard from a reliable source (lol blind item??) that this isn't the last Listening Party that's gonna happen! Let's see who they'll bring next time--so excited!

Big thanks to Jessica Alberto for the photos!

Waiting for our bus! :)

Circle Hostel's Common Room

Shie, Rhea and I woke up (again) a couple of hours later and decided to eat breakfast at Aling Fely’s--heaven sent eatery in front of Circle Hostel. Candice and Trisha were so deep in sleep that even if we were shouting for them to wake up from the other side of the street, they couldn’t hear us. Lol.


After breakfast, we hurriedly went to Crystal Beach to take advantage of the whole Saturday we’ll dedicate to it. The waves looked amazing and the sun was perfect. Everything was perfect. I’m so glad that there weren’t any rain or weather disturbance to ruin our trip. It was such a perfect day.



I was so sunburnt I could probably audition for Jersey Shore and get a part but it was soooooooo worth it. It hurt like shit as soon as the weekend was over and the whole week after, but crashing the waves and lying under the sun was worth every sunburnt patch on my face and body. Lol.



Candice, Rhea and Trisha are actually Shie's officemates. But, it didn't really feel like I had to adjust or feel out of place whenever they talk about work stuff--as much as they tried staying away from the topic. Lol. It also feels great to know new people and learn more about them in the span of a weekend.


By night time, we were exhausted and feeling a little lost on what to do so we decided to just hangout in Circle Hostel's common room. There were other people who were also there to hang out with their own set of friends; drinking, playing, singing. We sat in one corner and decided to play Slap Jack--a game where you take turns in saying the chronological order of the cards while you put one down. If the number that you said matches the card you dropped, everyone will slap the pile, if you're he last to slap, you lose. I don't know if what I explained made sense but that's how that shit goes. Lol.

To make the game exciting and juicy, we decided that whenever someone loses, we'll force a truth from them. We got so loud while playing, the Indian guy from the other group got so curious and decided to join us. He asked his friend to join after he got how the game goes and the next thing we know, the whole common room is playing with us. It's such a crazy feeling. My friends and I kept asking, "What have we done??" Because everyone is now playing and screaming and the consequences that they were implementing kept getting crazier by the moment--all because of our little game.


Because the beds we rented were bunk beds that were three flights up the floor and one hammock, Candice and I decided to just sleep in the common room again. The air's much cooler there anyway.

Woke up at around 8 in the morning. We had to make use of our time wisely since we need to leave at lunch time. Ate breakfast again at Aling Fely's and went to the nearby beach to just soak up a little more of the sun and the view before we head back to Manila.

When we got back to the hostel, we hurriedly bathed, packed our things and got ready for out trip back to Manila. Before we left though, the Ate's at the reception area asked us to write anywhere and on their wall to add to the Hostel's really cool walls. Although I was really planning to write on it, it feels great to be asked. I felt like they enjoyed our company as well.
To say that 'I had fun' would be an understatement, I had the best time with some of the best people in the perfect place would be more like it. I promised myself that this year will be full of adventures, unexpected decisions and crazy ass moments, I think I'm living up to it as far as I'm concerned.



Credits for the photos: Me, Shie, Trisha, Rhea, Candice :)

I guess mine looks pretty normal. Do you also have any travel essentials?